Why Do We Judge?

When others judge your choices, lend them your shoes. This famous phrase is a good reminder. We’ve all judged someone at some point. And we have all been the target of an opinion (correct or not) that has hurt or upset us.

How can we respond when we are judged?

First of all , take a deep breath and create some distance. Understand that the impulse to judge is universal. It is something that has always been done and will always be done.

The second step is simple. Accept that what was said has nothing to do with you . “Depersonalize it.” Another person’s words or opinions do not define you. Later, you will lend your shoes to these people and let them see the real truth.

Usually , the people who judge others have the most low self-esteem. When they do not accept themselves unconditionally, they cannot accept others either. They are rigid perfectionists who take every opportunity to judge others.

What is behind the judgment?

Nobody likes to be judged. When we are judged, a label is put on us that makes us feel limited and diminished. According to psychologists , we all have a slight tendency to divide many of the people around us into compartments or categories. Some are immature. Others are lazy. Others are volatile or irresponsible, or as negative as they are insecure.

Even though we all do, there is something we need to be clear about : if we do not want other people to judge us, we must avoid judging them.

Although many of our judgments may contain grains of truth , it is worth spending a day in the other’s shoes before we judge . See how they feel, react, suffer or interact with the world and us.

Those who tend to judge others excessively share the following characteristics:

Low self-esteem

People with low self-esteem judge to put themselves in a control position. From this they can defend themselves and protect themselves from others. They call you “insecure” or a “failure” because that’s really how they feel about themselves. By branding you, they are trying to exercise control over you and establish themselves as the exact opposite.

In other words , people with low self-esteem project their own insecurities and faults onto others. Instead of seeing this in themselves , it is easier for them to put labels on others and judge them by them. This is purifying for them and gives them power.

2. Lack of empathy

Those who lightly judge others and do this to hurt them lack empathy. Furthermore, people who do not realize the complexity of others and understand that they are more than just labels cannot understand their own needs, voids, shortcomings and virtues.

It is easier to judge others than to take a look inside and get to know yourself with humility while offering respect for others.

3. Emotional wounds

We can react in two different ways when we are hurt. The first is to gain emotional knowledge from what has happened, behave in a resilient way and then move forward. Through this we become pointers for occasions when we have to deal with certain situations. In this way, we become more empathetic people who, rather than judging others, know better how to take care of and understand them without smearing labels on them.

On the other hand, we have the type of people who do not handle painful situations very well. They harbor resentment and bitterness. It is so serious and painful that it forces them to judge others in order to project their own bitterness, their unhappiness and their inner demons.

Instead of confronting problematic situations with an open mind, creativity and respect, they do it as defeatists, which is a very toxic and painful way to behave.

Before you judge , you should accept yourself unconditionally. This includes your shortcomings as well as your talents. When you work on accepting yourself, you gain increased self-confidence. This is when you will change the way you interact with yourself and others.