The Wounds From Hyperromance

Who has never wanted to feel like a princess? Who has not felt as if one is bleeding to death when a love abandoned one? Who has not waited for the charming prince to appear, but he did? This is a product of hyperromance.

Humans have a double-edged sword in their possession called fantasy. Thanks to our imagination we have been able to make fantastic discoveries, create fantastic stories, songs etc…

But we often make the mistake of believing in certain fabricated ideas as if they were completely true and real, when this was never the case and never will be.

Our imagination is great for telling fairy tales, but obviously real life is far from a fairy tale.

Nowadays we have a problem in the subject of love. We have convinced ourselves that one of the most important goals in life is to find love, because without this love we will never be able to be happy.

We have associated happiness with romantic love, with “true” love, with that feeling that “without you I am nothing”.

Society and culture tell us that without our soulmate we will be incomplete people, unhappy people doomed to unhappiness and loneliness. And the problem is that we have bought all these ideas, and that is why we suffer so much for love.

So great is our fear of being alone, of not having someone by our side who loves us unconditionally, that we fall into the trap of certain irrational and harmful behaviors that will hurt both ourselves and our partners.

In the name of love, we are capable of abandoning ourselves, of treating ourselves without respect, of committing acts that attack our own dignity and of losing our individual freedom, our pleasures, our dreams…

Hyperromanticism comes from movies and books where people in love even sacrifice their own lives for love, as if it were the only source of pleasure in their existence.

Since childhood, we have seen princesses anxiously waiting for the charming prince so that he could save them from their unhappy lives.

If this prince never came, they would not have enjoyed life under any circumstances. This has filled us with the harmful idea of ​​dependence on others.

We can find more very clear examples in songs. Countless songs are about romantic love and often convey messages such as: “take me back to life”, “without you I will die”, “if you go I will not be able to breathe” etc…

I do not deny that they are fantastic songs we can enjoy, but I insist that our imagination must have its limits.

We are neither princes nor princesses and we are not in a fairy tale. This is real life, and if we want to be happy, we must hold on to what is around us.

Love is neither more nor less than a combination of chemical reactions that one day, whether we like it or not, stops being produced. And this is neither good nor bad; it’s just normal.

Emotions do not last forever; they are not infinite, despite what songs and other hyper-romance say. The idea of ​​infinite, immortal and perfect love does not exist in reality, and if we become obsessed with this idea, we will suffer immensely the day a rift appears in our relationship.

These ideas create many opportunities that fall under emotional dependence, irrational jealousy and depression.

Our mind tells us that we need someone to be happy. We do not know how to separate desire from need, and as a result, two very bad things happen:

• We will suffer from great anxiety when we search and look for the special person who must “pull us up from the depths”, which will lead to a lot of disappointment and many failures as well as a feeling that we are unlucky.
• If we have already found this special person, we will always be nervous about the possibility of losing him, which will make it harder for us to enjoy the relationship.

We need to be aware that no one needs anyone else to be happy. Mature, lasting and healthy relationships do not consist of people who, in line with hyper-romance, tell each other that either we are together forever or we are unsuccessful.

They like each other, they want each other and they love each other, but they do not need each other at all. If things do not go well tomorrow, life will offer them thousands of other opportunities.

This is true love and this is what we should tell ourselves: “ I love you, but I do not need you. I love you freely because I like to be with you, because we have a good time together. Not because you have made me complete, because I am already a whole person, with my shortcomings and virtues.

I love you, but I’m the most important person to me. I will give you many things, but I will make sure not to lose myself in the process. If we are happy to go side by side, help and support each other, that’s fine, but if not, it’s okay too.

I want to kiss you every time we wake up and go to bed, I want to hug you hard, I want to build a future by your side, I want to hear your lips say “I love you”, I want us to travel together and enjoy life …

I just want it… but I do not need it at all.