The Psychology Of Attraction: What Draws Us To Others
If we stop for a moment and think about the aspects that attract us to the people we love, a big question would arise: what drew us to our partner? What led to the friendship or romance? What helps us maintain these conditions?
We probably can not answer this very well because our affection usually flourishes without us even realizing it. But social psychology gives us data on the psychological ingredients that promote attraction.
To understand the psychological chemistry that binds us to other people , we have three key ingredients that make us feel attraction to them, see them with clear eyes and feel emotional closeness to them.
Before a relationship begins , it is important that two people perceive each other closely. Being close to someone and feeling that the person is present in our lives makes us feel great appreciation for that person.
At least in the beginning, physical proximity is very important because it promotes a sense of recognition and security that makes us feel comfortable with the people around us.
This emotional response comes from the fact that we perceive what is recognizable as safe, accessible, and desirable. In other words , the mere presence of certain people over time will make us feel at home.
But it is not just the physical and emotional closeness that we welcome. There is a need for the combination of other ingredients, such as physical attraction, to create a delicious recipe for the union of two souls.
There are many experiments that reveal that this is something much more superficial: appearance. It may seem discouraging, but the appearance of others affects us during our first moments with someone. This is because through appearance we tend to predict how happy, emotional and socially equipped the person is. From this point of view we get the equation: the more physical attraction we perceive, the better psychological qualities we attribute to the person (we call this the halo effect).
It may seem unfair, but not all aspects of this fact are. Why? Because the more we get to know the person, the fewer physical shortcomings we see; In other words, physical attractiveness increases over time.
That is why Shakespeare wrote in A Midsummer Night’s Dream: “Love does not see with the eyes but with the mind.”
A common and correct observation is that love lasts longer when two people have many things in common and do not just love each other. We tend to become friends with our acquaintances when we get to know each other and begin to feel that we have things in common.
Thinking, feeling and being interested in a similar way unites us. But as we all know, it is impossible to agree on everything.
Of course, proximity, attractiveness and similarity are not the only ingredients that benefit attraction and help us form beautiful relationships. We also like the people who like us (especially if we have a negative self-image).
To develop true love when we meet someone, we need certain intangible ingredients, a mixture of desires, feelings and good energy. This is undoubtedly the secret ingredient to form good bonds between two people.
