The Dobby Effect And Feeling Guilty

Self-punishment is a reality for many people. That’s why the ‘Dobby effect’ has become popular – an explanation for the guilt behind the behavior.

If you know the Harry Potter books from JK Rowling, the name Dobby is familiar. Dobby is a house elf who hurts himself every time he does not live up to the expectations of his owners.

This character is portrayed in a somewhat humorous way, but his self-harming behavior terrifies everyone around him. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves?

The Dobby effect in connection with feelings of guilt is named after this lovable character.

Feelings of guilt after doing something that goes against our values ​​or that are unethical or immoral are normal to some extent.

Problems arise, however, when you constantly punish yourself for feeling guilty about something. This is a problem because you put too much responsibility on your own shoulders.

The Dobby effect: excessive guilt

There are many things we feel guilty about in today’s society, even though we really have no reason to. Debt often arises because we believe we have not met other people’s expectations.

Here are some examples to help you understand:

• Being a bad mother: many women suffer from postpartum depression. This is a condition that gives them extreme guilt, because it is common knowledge that the best thing that can happen to a woman is to become a mother. It should therefore lead to complete and eternal happiness. When these expectations are not met, they are replaced by feelings of guilt.

• You asked for it:  many people who are abused justify the violence from their “better” half by acting badly themselves. Therefore, they can not leave the perpetrator, because they have feelings of guilt. They have, after all, asked for it; it is self-inflicted. This was pointed out in the study Self-blame in women battered by their partners. Implied factors.

There are many other situations where a person may suffer from the Dobby effect and its guilt feelings.

The woman with postpartum depression provides the fuel by feeling guilty, and so does the battered person who justifies the abuse. It is a kind of indirect self-punch.

They do not hurt themselves, but allow someone else or something else to do it.

The role of responsibility within the Dobby effect

Feelings of guilt need not be expressed in a hurtful way. This is the case, however, when they become an engine of self-punishment, with no other purpose than to suffer.

An explosion of guilt that becomes so perverse that it kills your determination by letting others harm you. That’s what Dobby did.

Sometimes the responsibility you impose on yourself has been there since childhood. Maybe your parents poured all their frustrations on you. Maybe they said over and over that you did not deserve one or the other.

This, of course, remains in the mind, and as you grew, you learned to expect an “everything is your fault” or “you are a bad person”. Therefore, you think you should be punished for it.

The good news is that despite all this, you can escape the Dobby effect and the guilt. The best way is to do things that improve your self-esteem.

When you have a better self-image, you will become friendlier to yourself and therefore be more flexible with your mistakes. Above all, you will stop taking responsibility for things over which you have no control.

Conclusion on the Dobby effect and feelings of guilt

If you feel that you identify with the Dobby effect and have unrealistic feelings of guilt, do not hesitate – talk to an expert for qualified help.

Not only will your inner dialogue improve, but also how you treat yourself. This way  you can protect yourself against this dangerous phenomenon.