Teach Your Children To Tolerate Frustration

It is one of the most uncomfortable emotions there is, and at the same time one of the most common: frustration. Frustration arises when a wish, a dream, a goal or an illusion cannot be achieved, at least for the moment. No matter how hard you try. It is the clearest way the world has to make us understand that it is unfortunately not a fair place. In this article, we want to show you how to teach your children to tolerate frustration.

We do not want our children to be sad. We do not let them experience any frustration at home. When we play with them, we regularly let them win. We believe that exposure to all forms of frustration and emotional defeat will lead to temporary sadness, and by letting them win, we avoid this sadness.

But emotional reactions that are established during childhood form the majority of a person’s emotional future. If we take care of the negative emotions today, we will tomorrow reduce the bangs from problems that arise due to this type of emotion.

Knowing and learning to deal with negative emotions during childhood in a safe environment, such as the family, will help our children develop a series of coping mechanisms as well as self-emotional regulation. This will in time allow them to develop emotional maturity.

Why is training in frustration tolerance so important? Frustration is one of the most powerful emotions that affect a child’s self-esteem. Learning to tolerate frustration at an early age allows children to begin to build the foundations of resilience.

This suggests that negative emotions linked to frustration will not control their lives. When the time comes to confront situations that will make them question their ability to achieve things, they will be fully equipped with the coping strategies they learned at home. Children who suffer from problems with frustration tolerance often show behavioral problems, such as aggression towards objects and people, outbursts, despite authority figures and, above all, the refusal to engage in activities that do not provide short-term encouragement.

In addition, if children do not develop mechanisms to tolerate frustration when they grow up, activities that do not provide quick reward and recognition will become threats rather than challenges. They often fail in these types of activities and prefer to focus on those with short-term rewards, such as substance use, even though it can be harmful.

This does not mean that we should exclude them from experiencing frustrating situations, but we must not force them to confront them unnecessarily just to test their strength. We simply have to let frustrations happen naturally during play, sports and other family activities. When this happens , be with them in the difficult, emotional moment: first acknowledge and validate the feeling and then help them generate alternative solutions.

It will be best to let the children shoulder the responsibility for developing an alternative solution to daily problems at their level of development. We must not overcompensate for their failures. If we do, we will deprive children of the important opportunity to work on their basic skills, such as patience, acceptance, problem solving, delayed encouragement and creativity.

To teach your children to tolerate frustration, the following steps can be very helpful:

• Set a good example: there is no better way to learn “emotional expression” than to see parents verbalize the emotions born of frustration.

• Do not give them everything: if we give our children everything and do not let them face their own challenges, it will be difficult for them to make mistakes and learn from them. Remember that you will not be able to follow them every day of their lives and prevent them from stumbling.
• Respect their times and ways: they probably do things very badly or slowly. It’s their way of growing and learning. You have to respect their actions, even if they make mistakes or do not do things that you would. By doing so, you will allow them to experience mistakes as something positive. You help them develop a sense of accomplishment and personal competence. These two are important for the development of a stable self-esteem.
• Do not give in to outbursts, but do not downplay their crying either: frustrating situations often lead to outbursts, especially in younger children. If parents give in to them, children will learn that this is the most effective way to solve problems. Crying, on the other hand, is a necessary, positive answer. Crying on many occasions is an initial step towards neutralizing powerlessness. It helps us to be prepared for future lessons.

• Turn frustrations into lessons: Problem situations are a great opportunity for children to learn new things and retain them. Frustration is a powerful engine for forming alternatives if we do not surrender to the negative emotions it generates. In this way, they will be able to deal with frustrating situations on their own if they arise again.
• Teach them to be persistent: perseverance is important in overcoming difficult situations. If our children learn that constancy can solve most problems, they will be able to control frustration in many situations. Perseverance does not have to be immediate or very insistent. We can teach them to try again when they have calmed down.
• Teach them to ask for help when they need it: we do not walk alone in life. We can always learn from each other. You will need to let them learn from you so that they can find solutions on their own when you are not there.

Frustration can thus be a positive feeling if it is handled well. It has considerable motivating value for those who are not swept away by the negative emotions it produces. We all encounter frustrations to some extent during life. Teaching children about this feeling and its possibilities will help them become successful in the future. It will allow them to develop better emotional health.