Similar Or Complementary: Which Partner Is Best?

Similar or complementary? This is the question that many ask themselves when they long for a partner.

Some believe that opposites are best while others want to avoid the conflicts that the differences can give rise to at all costs. But the fact is that both sides have their advantages and disadvantages.

Those who believe that it is better to have a relationship with someone who is different do so because they believe that the person will complement them. They believe that if people are too similar, they will often start arguing.

Those who want to look for a partner who reminds of themselves believe that the differences will sooner or later manifest themselves and that then cracks will begin to appear in the relationship.

Other people think that it does not matter if the partner is similar or complementary.

Instead, they believe that the important thing has to do with balance: they are both equal when it comes to certain things and complementary when it comes to others. What does psychology say about this?

The beauty of opposites

As a person does not have such a bad positive perception of himself, he will often be attracted to someone who is different.

In the other person, you see an opportunity to project the type of person you would like to be.

A person who feels that he is never noticed will try to make his partner a very popular person.

There are also cases with people who are looking for someone to be addicted to and not someone with whom he can create a real relationship.

These people are insecure and scared and need someone else’s strength to protect them and give them the support they need.

This is not necessarily a negative thing if it helps the person to grow and mature, but if it creates an addiction, it will give rise to a very unhealthy relationship.

Many people who are considering whether they need someone similar or complementary will choose the latter because they see the relationship as a team.

Sometimes you can almost compare it to a business. Therefore, (and here we want to emphasize the word “believe”) they believe that it is better to combine strengths and weaknesses to achieve things together.

Similar or complementary?

Science has always wondered whether it is better for both of them to be similar or complementary. The University of Kansas conducted a study with 1523 couples. They found that similar couples lasted longer in 86% of cases.

Another study from the University of Michigan came to a similar conclusion.

It seems that what really matters is that there is an agreement regarding aspects such as personality, values, attitudes, hobbies, alcohol consumption and technology use.

It also seems that people are sometimes attracted to what is different. This makes them curious and they see this as an opportunity to explore new emotional territories.

What was initially something new and exciting, however, over time becomes a barrier. The differences will then cause negative feelings in the relationship.

Openness and flexibility

The debate between these two approaches is quite complex. You will never be able to find a partner who is just like you.

You will also not be able to find someone who is a perfect complement to yourself. In fact, each person has both confirmed us and acted as a counterpoint at the same time.

We should also mention that all research in this area indicates that it is important to have the same taste and attitude. However, there will still be times when one of the people has to give in.

The most stable couples are those who can relax together.

With that said, it can also be healthy with differences between different partners. They are a factor that contributes to their development together.

Much of one’s love life has to do with how to deal with difficulties and differences.

As there are only certain differences, there is a high probability that the couple will be able to be together. However, if the differences are too great, it will cause problems.

Similar or complementary: Our conclusion

So what is our answer to the question? We would like to say that both aspects are important. We should have the same essence, but we should complement each other based on voluntary and conscious agreements.

That’s what love is all about: finding a balance.