It Is Not Important To Love Much, But To Love In The Right Way

It can be hard to believe, but love does not mean that you love in the right way, because the amount does not always go hand in hand with the emotional qualities needed. Love is not enough if there is no respect and everything should not be forgiven in the name of passion.

Aaron T. Black, a renowned expert in cognitive behavioral therapy, explains this in his book “Love is not Enough”. On each page we can see the reflection of many of our own thoughts and behaviors. Most of us are rooted in the idea that love overcomes all, that it is an energy that cures and fixes everything.

It is quite difficult to admit that it is not enough to be loved, but the same is true when it comes to other aspects: talent is not enough to succeed and money is not the key to this either, and the straight path is not always the path to the happiness we have dreamed of so much.

Life is full of nuances that sometimes make us desperate and sometimes place us in a state of absolute defenselessness. To love a lot is not always a sign of true love and that you love in the right way. This is something we must understand as soon as possible so that we can react, leave sad idealizations behind us and be able to form strong and mature relationships.

When we love a lot, but do not love properly

Some of us choose a partner because we tell ourselves that this is the right person, who suits us best, who can make us happy. But the reality is very different, because as most of us already know, no one chooses who he will fall in love with. Love, like passion, is not something that is chosen. It comes and sweeps us away.

Slowly but surely we sink into a whirlwind of emotions and idealizations that make the relationship something heavenly, and we tell ourselves and everyone else that “our love is magical” and that it has no cracks. Without realizing it, we reach a point where there are no boundaries and we live for the other person ; that happy addiction where we love each other so much that yours and mine are destroyed to create ‘ours’, where our own identities dissolve.

It is important to understand that these loves, which seem to come from heaven, are the most dangerous . For true love exists on earth and it needs boundaries. You want boundaries that protect you, private space that must be respected and harmonies that will maintain a good balance.

When love is given and received in an exaggerated way, it can become tyrannical and the following dynamics can arise.

The four traps of addictive and harmful love

Addictive love will sooner or later develop into something we must acknowledge. Not only to protect ourselves from this but also to avoid us creating this ourselves.

• The trap with “all or nothing” . To love a lot without loving in the right way can deceive us without us even realizing it. Many want affection to be complete and absolute.
• The trap with “should” . There will always be a time when one or both parties in a relationship become obsessed with thinking about what the other person should and should not do. “If the person does not do this, he will not love me. If I do this, the other person should do the same for me. ”

• The trap of guilt . This trap is without a doubt one of the most common in relationships. Making your partner feel guilty for making him feel bad about something the person has done; this is undoubtedly very common.
• The trap of imagining the worst . Obsessed, addicted and toxic love usually imagines things without reason. The feeling of being betrayed can be permanent.

Love me beautifully, love me freely when we are together

There are parents who love their children endlessly and without limits. They love them a lot but they do not love them properly. It is a suffocating love that cuts wings and frustrates childhood, shatters dreams and even the ability to achieve a happy maturity.

This almost always occurs in relationships. You do not have to die for love or suffer for it, nor should you give up your self-esteem for the other person. We should both be demanding and say, “I do not want you to love me very much, I want you to love me RIGHT.”

Something we are all aware of on the other hand is that there are few things that are as important and fun as feeling loved without boundaries. It is a way that makes us feel confirmed and full of an energy that enlivens us. However, we should keep a cool head, because love has limits set by your integrity, your dignity and your happiness.

If these limits are exceeded, it’s time to jump out of the golden cage.