How To Overcome The Fear Of Being Abandoned

Overcoming the fear of being abandoned and achieving autonomy is no easy task. But it is possible, as long as you realize your own worth. You need to convince yourself that you are smart, important and strong, and that you do not need to be dependent on anyone. As soon as you are able to give yourself the love you deserve, everything will be different.

Some people have been abandoned at a very young age. This is an extremely difficult experience. Here, however, it is not just a matter of growing up but parents. Sometimes the most obvious pain is the result of an emotional abandonment. Growing up with parents who are physically present but emotionally absent is also traumatic. This is the type of parent who never provides any emotional support or solid foundation based on a secure foundation.

Experiences of early abandonment leave their mark. The experience of chronic and lasting loss leads to shame, helplessness and anxiety. This abandonment makes you feel as if you have never been loved, that loneliness is your only refuge and that no one can be trusted.

If you have been neglected and abandoned, your image of reality and your thoughts will be distorted. It must be emphasized that it is understandable to be afraid that those you love will abandon you (especially if you have already suffered this). What is not normal is if the anxiety never releases you and you have compulsive thoughts about being abandoned. The positive thing, however, is that it is possible to overcome the fear of being abandoned .

“Fear is my most faithful companion. It has never deceived me. ”

-Woody Allen-

The fear of being abandoned is a confined and suffocating place that destroys relationships. This does not mean that you should blame yourself for what you are going through. Instead, try to understand the cause of your fear so that you can deal with it better. First, you should know that the fear of being abandoned is very primary and human.

What does this mean? For us as humans, there is basically nothing that is more important for our development and survival than having supportive caregivers from an early age. Whether it is your parents or someone else, you need caregivers who are warm and loving and who make you feel safe. If you miss this at an early age, your brain will experience an enormous emptiness. This puts you at greater risk of developing certain affective disorders.

The journal  Journal of Youth and Adolescence  published in 2011 an interesting study. Researchers at Arizona State University found that anyone who experienced a parent’s death showed signs of fear of being abandoned. It is a primary fear that is difficult to get rid of.

But once you have learned to deal with it and managed to heal the open wound, everything will be different. You will finally be able to leave your emotional prison and have a happier and richer life.

If you have had one or more traumatic experiences about being abandoned, you begin to think that you are useless. This leads to low self-esteem. Not only that, because you also fear that it will happen again, which makes you anxious and gives you problems in relationships. You end up in toxic situations where you are overly clingy. By fixating on being loved and confirmed, you lose your true self.

Love based on compulsive needs only gives rise to pain. No one deserves to live this way. Therefore, you must learn to overcome the fear of being abandoned. Let’s take a look at some strategies that can help you with this.

• Accept the fear of what it is: something completely normal. Fear is inherited in all people. In your case, it is more intense depending on your previous experience. Fear is completely natural, but you must not let it take control of your life.
• If you want to overcome the fear of being abandoned, you must take full responsibility for your life. You do not have to be saved by anyone. Your partner is not obligated to take responsibility for you or to be your only source of emotional support. The love of one’s own self is the only love that can truly heal. You must love yourself unconditionally.

• You need to change your inner dialogue. You must absolutely not devalue yourself and tell yourself that no one loves you. Stop imagining that you will be abandoned again. Do not put yourself or your partner in a bad day. If you feel under the ice with thoughts like “She did it because she’s not interested in me anymore…” or “He doesn’t really love me…”, then you need to be aware of the thoughts and try to stop them. A calm mind is a happier mind. Focus on building trust, and your relationships will become stronger and more meaningful.
• Work on becoming emotionally independent. This is a slow process that requires you to be observant and able to identify your needs. You are the only one who can heal your emotional emptiness. The responsibility falls on you and you can not put it on someone else’s shoulders.

Finally, we would like to emphasize again that this is not a simple process. When you are abandoned, this leaves a deep and lasting impression. The road to healing can be long and arduous, and you may need outside help.

If you feel that the fear of being abandoned prevents you from having good and stable relationships, do not hesitate to seek help. You deserve to be independent and fearless.