How To Make Difficult Conversations
Even if you would rather not, you sometimes have to deal with difficult conversations. Many people choose to avoid them as if they were a problem that disappears on its own. But it does not work that way. Postponing the inevitable often makes things more complicated.
You should not be afraid of difficult conversations; There are strategies you can use to deal with these situations. If you play your cards right, you can learn to master them and avoid drama. This way you get what you hoped for from the conversation: effective communication.
Let’s take a look at how to do.
The first thing you should do is push away preconceived notions about what a difficult conversation is. At the end of the day, it is what we call conversations that we think can give us problems. So you expect problems, which generate tension right from the start. You go on the defensive.
Herein lies the first key to mastering difficult conversations: do not anticipate complications. It will help you focus on the conversation and gain some perspective. It will also allow you to pay attention to clues from the other and deal with his or her emotional changes and reactions.
People need to feel listened to. That’s why you should not just pay attention and listen; Your whole body should show that you are listening. Listening is, as we all know, irreplaceable for good communication.
If the other person perceives tension, anxiety, a defensive position or aggression, he will react negatively. The person will not be willing to listen. If, on the other hand, the person feels that you are encouraging, calm and compassionate, it will be easier to feel the same way.
A conversation may be difficult, but it is not a battle. There are no winners and losers. If you want to clarify something, you must therefore remain calm. This is especially important if the other person seems emotional.
It is also important that you do not put your feelings first, even if the other person hurts you. Your partner needs to feel reassured; the person must know that his feelings mean something. You must believe in the person despite his actions and how much the individual has hurt you.
First, clarify the purpose of the conversation. Then focus on your partner’s thoughts and feelings. It is important. Accept them without judging before proceeding; do not blame anyone for their feelings. The time for you to express your ideas and feelings will come later.
Many people shut themselves in during difficult conversations. It makes them even more nervous, and it is unlikely that the conversation will end well. But if you are observant and attentive, you will notice the changes and be able to continue the conversation in a calm and controlled way.
For example, if you notice that your partner’s tone changes, tell him. You can also choose not to tell, but at least keep in mind what the tone modes mean. People often change the way they talk just before they say what is important to them, because they are afraid of what might happen.
Another signal you should watch out for is nervous laughter. Some people laugh when they feel ashamed or uncomfortable. They do not make fun of you – quite the opposite in fact. It can be likened to crying for happiness.
Nervous laughter tends to indicate suffering. If your partner laughs nervously, tell the person how they feel. It allows you to identify a starting point from which you can move forward in a positive way. It may also indicate that the person is trying to avoid a particular feeling. This is why it is important to ask the individual to express what they feel and open up.
Changes in the pattern of visual contact may also indicate emotional variation. You can see that a person needs a break by looking at his eyes. If the person looks away or keeps your eyes cold in a threatening way, it can mean that something important has been brought up in the conversation.
That is when it is time to ask the person, without a trace of aggression, to share their point of view. Then listen without interrupting or judging.
You may notice that of the use of the word “but” a lot. It is a sign that the person wants to say something they are afraid of, but cannot say it because of fear or shame. Take advantage of these “buts” to help the person get it out.
Like we said, a conversation is not a battle. There are no winners or losers. If you want to understand something, draw conclusions or come up with solutions, you need to find a way to have the difficult conversation.
It’s not about being right or proving anything. In this type of conversation, it is actually the worst possible focus. You will not get anything, but you have a lot to lose. Open your mind: push anger and bitterness aside.
If you find all this difficult (it often is, we should not stick it under the chair with) you should think about what you hope to get out of the conversation. Tell this to your partner. It is important that you both know where the conversation is going.
