Hating Someone Prevents You From Getting Rid Of Them

We all tend to believe that hatred is the opposite of love. You may think that when someone seriously hurts or betrays you, there is nothing to do but hate them and hold a grudge against them. They do not deserve less than that, right? Not really. Sometimes it’s hard to realize the cold hard truth about this: hating someone really only prevents you from breaking away from them. The only way to let go is to forgive and to remove yourself from this experience as a whole.

Each individual reacts differently to offense and injury, as everyone has their own coping mechanisms. It is true that anger at times can be more functional than grief, as the former can give you the drive and strength you need to move forward. But when this feeling is maintained over time, it poisons your soul and keeps you trapped in a painful past.

Why do we hate?

Think of the people you have hated or hated at some point in your life. They’re not just insignificant individuals, are they? It is more than likely that they play, or once played, an important role in your life.

Hatred is a very intense feeling that is only caused by a very specific type of stimulus in most people. Basically, we hate when we feel attacked or exploited or when someone attacks our physical or mental integrity.

In other words, we do not just hate anyone, do we? Think about it. Once upon a time , you probably placed the person you hate on a pedestal, either because you felt such confidence that you shared emotional ties with the person, or because he or she somehow had authority over you. Thus, it is common to think that it is more than okay to hate the abusive and neglecting parent, a teacher who has affected your self-esteem or a person who promised to take care of you but who did the exact opposite.

Hatred is nothing but condemnation. Hating someone makes us feel that we are “a judge” and that we have the right to judge the other for their wrongdoing. We not only believe that they deserve punishment, but we take matters into our own hands and want to do it ourselves. This is what hate is all about.

Hating someone prevents you from breaking free from them

First of all, remember that it is completely human to have hateful feelings towards those who harm you significantly. Your feelings are valid and you have the right to feel them. It is even understandable that you want to punish that person. The reality, however, is that you only punish yourself by perpetuating a hatred of them.

You can liken it to holding a burning coal in your hand and waiting for the other to burn. We must say that this is absolutely true. In the end, it is you who live every day with this darkness inside. You are the one who continues to relive the pain and betrayal they caused. In this way, you remain chained to this person that you hate so much; their actions just continue to condition your current everyday life.

Keeping these intense and negative emotions in for a long time is a huge emotional drain. Hating them keeps you tied to them, which means you continue to invest time and mental energy in thinking about them instead of healing yourself once and for all. Only when you accept, forgive and take care of your experience can you break the chains that still bind you.

Do not be afraid to break free

Not all wrongdoings are equally serious. In some cases, it therefore becomes more complicated to break free than in others. However, it is a well worth the effort that you have to make for yourself. To do this, the first and essential step is to accept what happened. You have to stop fighting; stop manically thinking that things have to be different. Realize that you can not change the past and accept it as part of your story so you can move on.

Then create a new value for your experience. This action refers to people’s ability to interpret the same event in different ways. Instead of focusing on the pain and injustice it has caused, focus on the lessons that the experience has given you. Remember that no matter how difficult an experience may be, it always helps you in one way or another to grow and become stronger.

Finally, forgive them. This step is the most complicated step to take. You may think that by forgiving them, you are taking away their guilt. But forgiving them does not mean that you accept their actions. What forgiveness is really about is that it frees you from the burden of continuing to bear the hatred. Forgiveness is not about forgetting the past, it means that you put a stop to it continuing to hurt you.