Giving And Taking Is Just As Important

Happiness is about more than just the altruistic act of giving without getting anything back. Everyone also has the right to receive. This encourages the heart and lays a foundation for reciprocity.

Mahatma Gandhi said that “the best way to find yourself is to serve others”. This is a noble goal, but we should not confuse this with emotional relationships where “giving and taking” are part of the same circle.

Giving a lot and getting a little back is tiring, and even if the gift of knowledge in exchange for nothing at all is something beautiful, you should also be able to receive without having to ask for it.

Adam Grant, a psychologist and author of the book Give and Take: A Different Success Story, tells us that we are all somewhere on the spectrum between giving and taking. Harmony is in the middle where you can be happy to both give and take. Unfortunately, you do not always see it this way.

This is especially true when it comes to love relationships.

The heart also wants confirmation

We do not want gifts; we prefer details. We do not want others to reward us for all the effort we have put into making them happy.

What the heart wants is to receive respect, recognition and reciprocity. None of this is something physical, but it is something that touches the soul and makes us feel loved. This is the reason why we feel helpless as we have none of this.

The problem with most love relationships comes from dissonance: you give far too little in return. Henry Miller, whose works are known to be full of life and sensuality, commented in one of his books that in these asymmetrical relationships both parties are sick: one is dependent on receiving, the other on giving.

Relationship dynamics

In all our relationships, whether they are love-related, family-friendly or friendly, we are all at some point between giving and taking. It would have been ideal if we had all had a balanced role with a respectful harmony between what we give and what we receive, depending on the interaction.

Let us look in more detail at the dynamics that arise and the theories of giving and taking.

• Those who give: This is a profile that psychologists call “Wendy’s syndrome”. These feel the joy of giving to others without receiving anything in return.
• Those who take: Those who are used to just taking.
• Matcher: As we mentioned earlier. They seek harmony and mutual exchange.

• Fake sensors: You’ve probably encountered this behavior before. These people hide behind masks and are very cunning. They seem very generous, but their strategy is selfish: they will do something for you and then ask you to do something great for them.

You need to know what you deserve

It is clear that the world is complex, full of happiness and suffering, where good intentions and bad intentions are only part of the day. But you can do nothing to change your partner or a family member who expects more than he or she is willing to offer.

If you want to maintain healthy relationships, you should be aware that you will only achieve more suffering if you try to blame others. Some relationships are unsustainable even if there is love, and this is often because people do not love each other the way they want or expect. There is no reason to blame anyone.

You have to keep in mind that you must first establish a good relationship with yourself and take care of your own self-esteem. Remember that love is not a game where a person wins.

True love comes from the soul and arises when two people give freely to each other and invest in a mutual relationship. Love means that you want the other person to be happy without paying with your own happiness.